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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Anyway, I finally settle on a bench, trying to gather my thoughts for my counseling sessions later. I’m thinking about my clients, their struggles, and how I can help. But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. It’s a big fluffy thing, and it’s got mud all over its paws. It jumps on me, and I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But then it licks my face, and I can’t help but laugh. Dogs, man. They just know how to lighten the mood.

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